Kenney Courageously Strikes Back After Wildfires Defame Alberta’s Oilpatch
Alberta Premier Jason Kenney is all set to strike back at the perfidious wildfires besmirching the fossil industry’s good reputation, reports Canada’s satirical online magazine, The Beaverton.
“For too long, Alberta and its only industry, oil, have been under attack from the yearly embarrassment of wildfires. Enough is enough,” Kenney said in an announcement from his taxpayer-funded, pro-fossil “war room”, after the orange haze from the Chuckegg Creek fire forced him to cancel a media event celebrating cancellation of Alberta’s carbon tax.
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“These wildfires are a menace,” The Beaverton has him saying. “We can’t afford not to fight them. In court.”
The entirely fabricated lawsuit will “go after both the indisputable science that links the increase in wildfires to climate change caused by carbon released by the burning of fossil fuels, and the wildfires for taking advantage of that science to malign the fossil fuel industry by existing,” the article states.
“An orange sky and unbreathable air is the last thing Alberta’s petroleum producers need,” Kenney said, coughing. “I know I speak for every Albertan when I say we’ll punish these fires for this continuing smear against oil and gas with our last dollar. And probably our last breath.”