Pipeline Approvals Vault Trudeau to First Place in Conservative Leadership Race [Satire]
Liberal Prime Minister Justin Trudeau’s decision to approve two new fossil fuel pipelines has made him the candidate to beat in the Conservative Party of Canada leadership race, The Beaverton reports.
“After signing off on the Trans Mountain and Line 3 oil pipelines, Justin Trudeau has surged to a clear first place in the race to the lead the Conservative Party of Canada,” the online satire outlet reveals.
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“Trudeau showed promise as a Conservative candidate earlier this year when he retreated from his vow to do a new review of the Trans Mountain pipeline expansion. Indeed, polls suggest that Trudeau’s prioritizing of economy over Indigenous rights as well as his disregard of scientifically-assured environmental calamity for the sake of immediate reward has energized the conservative base. Now, some pundits suggest, all he has to do is ‘stay on this path.’”
“He’s running a textbook campaign,” Conservative consultant Stephen Taylor allegedly told Beaverton correspondent Ilan Tzitrin. “His social media presence is unparalleled, he knows how to deal with the media, speaks fluent French, and he’s raised more funds than Leitch, Bernier and Chong combined. And now with [his pipeline approval], the arms deals [with Saudi Arabia] and his backing away from electoral reform, he’s getting enough support from the Conservative caucus that he has a real shot at this.”
“If he fails to legalize marijuana and defunds the CBC, he’s golden.”