Higher-Powered Advisor Leads Cruz to Climate Conversion [Spoof]
APRIL 1, 2015—A high-powered new recruit to Sen. Ted Cruz’s campaign advisory team has led to a stunning reversal in the Texas Republican’s position on climate change.
Cruz is now acknowledging that climate change is real, that it is man-made, and that the future security and prosperity of America require a rapid transition to a low-carbon energy system.
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“I think it is important, especially among those of us who aspire to political leadership, to admit when we are wrong, and I have been wrong about climate change,” said Cruz. “The production and consumption of fossil fuels is defiling God’s creation and constitutes a sin for which we must repent now, by immediately making the restoration of climate stability our top political priority.”
Asked what brought about his sudden change of heart, Cruz said after he declared his candidacy for the White House, Jesus had come to see him personally and set him straight on the issue.
“I had no idea how strongly He felt about this,” the Senator commented. “He really put the fear of God in me on this one.”